Settling in

Well my settling into the new place is taking shape nicely. Still working out things here and there but each day its getting better. Learning to bond and consider Toby has been interesting as one has to now shift your pattern of thinking of you and you alone. I really feel as much as this takes from me to adjust in the bigger picture it is teaching me to be more responsible as well as I am conquering my underlying fear of dogs. We doing well so far-I feel more so under pressure at times as toby is a Lab and Labs needs lots of TLC. Yesterday I did so well and walked him on the morning route on my own as well as took him to De Waal park on my own. (pat on the back for me ;) ) Mum arrived on Friday night in high spirits-very high spirits I should actually add and Dills, mum and I went for sushi. Lots of fun had and of course was most special more so that Dills was only going to be in our company for 2 days. It was so good having mum show such an interest in the place I am staying in despite her being hell of a tired. Mum insisted on seeing it on Friday night which made me feel special. Dills and mum ended up sitting for a while watching tv and it was so good to feel a homely feel around me. Mum ended staying from Friday night-on Saturday morning we went to do our threading and then picked up Dills to go to the Biscuit Mill Neighbours market. Mum and Dills sure enjoyed the vibe and we had a good time. I so LOVE it there and would love to take Aroon there when he comes to CPT. I then took Toby to the park while mum and Dills had naps....oh and it was also good to drive around mum and Dills in my new fire engine or "red chilli pepper" as a work colleague calls it. Mum and Dills then convinced me to go to the jazz with them and I am so glad they did. It was such a fantastic experience and more so warmed my heart to see mum in her element jiving like a youngster. It was priceless being together and I sat there thinking " I sure hope we can do this next year with Aroon and Zsa." I felt such a sense of unity at this concert and there was such a vibe I cant explain. We ran into Mr/s Brauns there who are looking so so well and they mentioned having seen me in the mango magazine on their flight in to CPT and I felt so touched when Mr Brauns said that I am doing so well because it made me think it actually all started because of Mrs Brauns having worked at the Hilton Hotel and having offered me the temp work! The evening was a long but memorable one which funny enough started off with us not having tickets but thanks to Mardia persisting we got in after some wheeling and dealing. LOL. Today mum cooked a yummy chicken a la king and we invited Dills over to brunch-we watched the cricket and once again it lovely to have my mum and boet with me. Dills flew off to London today-he is back on friday in time for the Biggest Loser final weigh in and in time to run the half marathon! Can you believe we are at the finishing line of the Biggest loser????? Watch this space for results.

An interestingly well written article which I related to

"When evacuation leaves you longing for wine"
On Tuesday 17 March I was in the unfortunate position of having 10 minutes to decide what matters most to me. I was being evacuated due to the fires that raged against the slopes of Devil's Peak and Table Mountain during the night. Waking up to sirens, looking out of the window and realising that your possessions (meagre as they might be) are threatened by an enemy that you are absolutely powerless against is, utterly, traumatic.

And the question that arises, what do you take? Because no matter how much you take there is always going to be something left behind...

Rushed out of my flat (situated at the absolute urban edge of the City Bowl) into my car and watching from afar how flames are licking the borders of my house, I was disgusted at the people taking pictures - a terrifying reality as I, as a journalist, have often taken pictures not asking, or thinking, about the misery I am capturing. It is weird that I did not think of taking pictures of my own misery. And this morning I regret not having any to show.

Having grabbed what I could (some pieces of art, jewellery, ID, passport) I fled to a friend, keeping an eye on the flames in my rear view mirror. That, I know now, must the worst drive anyone can ever undertake.

I arrived at my friend high on adrenalin, and immediately expressed my regret at not having grabbed a bottle of wine. He nodded, and in turn expressed his regret of not having any. "But I have vodka", he consoled.

Standing outside on the communal balcony looking at Table Mountain, the infamous Salt and Pepper Pot towers and my flat submerged in fat orange clouds of smoke, watching the flames work their way into the suburb and in-between answering calls from relatives and concerned friends, my dear-dear friend was feeding me Pravda - and I was downing it like Oros.

While he momentarily left the balcony to top-up my glass, his neighbour the fashion designer offered me a small bottle of sparkling wine. I declined, realising that there are indeed occasions that bubbly can't be justified. I was actually in the mood for a very old bottle of red, thinking that my bottle of Kanonkop Cabernet Sauvignon 1998 in my corner cupboard would have been just about right.

Returning with another glass of Pravda, my friend, who was supportive but contemplative during the ordeal, revealed the reason behind his somewhat distracted mood.
"Prinses, you had some time to grab your things, right?"
"Yes...?"
"So you took your art and ID and stuff?"
"Yes...?"
Pointing to my shoes, and taking a big sip of Pravda, he asked "and those are the shoes you took?"
The fashion designer agreed with a stifled laugh.
I am back in my flat, cleaning out soot, keeping an eye on the still-burning spots, shaking my head at the sight of the once-green, living mountain, talking with the fire and rescue team camping outside my complex, and rethinking reasoning. What we decide to keep till later and what we decide to have now.

Tonight I just might open one of my "special" bottles - and I'd be wearing my stilettos.

A bit of loneliness that comes and goes...

Its actually difficult for me to write about this as I am always brushing it under the carpet....I have faced the fact that yes I need to not hide the fact that I do go through bouts of loneliness and a strong urge for family time or just a call here and there to hear my siblings voices or nieces and nephews. I do have some sort of longing in me and I want to say almost an insecurity if I can even call it that. I long for that feeling I recall I used to have as a youngster when Dad was still alive and I felt entirely safe and secure in my environment. Of course one grows up and faces the reality that Dad was not really a real super-heroe nor mum a wonder woman and they too dont have the answers to all lifes obstacles and questions. Mum did a hell of a good job as being my shield and guiding me and now I battle to see my mum going from the person who had the answers and was such a rock to a person who does not want to deal with the reality of life and switches off when everything gets too much.As each day passes I feel more and more for her and long for her time here to be longer than we expect-I cannot think of what I would do without my mum around-mum and I have had a stronger relationship build when I moved to CPT-I know I dissapointed her big time even though she didnt say it when I moved here-she was thrilled that I was making the move just not with the right person. Of course my mum was so suportive and I clearly remember standing at the door leaving and we shared a very special moment where she said a little prayer and told me that her door is always open if things dont work out in CPT. I cant beare to think of my mum missing out on the exciting things still to come in my life.....however I cant avoid this subject and pretend so hopefully when I do have to face this reality one day mum I will feel at peace with the adventures we have shared since her diagnosis. Mum is now spending a little time with each of us between treatments and of course the time spent is more golden now-it always has been golden but of course this is just a little more golden and special. I look forward to our month together next month in April. I mentioned the loneliness which I go through more often than I would like and I crave a chat with a sibling or a chance to hear my nephews or nieces voice and the timing of course is not always right to get in touch and more and more these days everyones lifes are getting busier and busier and I feel like the days are flying by at times where we dont talk.Yes there is e-mail and facebook but we dont get down to decent chats. I had a long day battling with the reality today that in the time of need who really is there???? Of course I know if I called a family member or friend someone would be there for me however I really felt it after the nasty experience I had having woken up to the smell of smoke and mayhem outside not knowing what was going on and being alone-I managed it better than I thought and when I got out of the complex my mind ran wild re contacting thethe family to alert them and know someone is with me in mind. I text Adhil knowing it was a decent time there and he kept in constant contact which made me feel so much better and I felt I had good support during a frightening experience. I made the wise decision of not calling the rest of the family as what were they going to do but I did expect a call after the news broke to see if I was ok and chat to me-yes I know that they heard I was fine and our home however I felt my expected concern from friends and family were lacking and here again I ask-is it because our lives are too busy or is it because of one lack of understanding of the situation I was in? I dont doubt for a moment the love and support I have from family and friends who were just not present in this moment-they would be there in a flash if I called-I just think that me personally long for more contact from friends and family now and then.I cherish my family and I love family time spent with each other and if I had a choice I would love if we could all meet more regularly however of course lifes path takes us seperate ways due to different things we want to experience and accomplish in life. We cant have it all. Please dont get me wrong by this post in anyway-my mum has raised a close knit family of relationships I love and cherish....I personally just long for more interaction. I am moving this weekend and I have been avoiding thinking about it too much-I am most positive about it and think that it will open up lots of new experiences in my life however of course I am anxious and am going to miss coming home to knowing Adhil is around or at least his stuff;) Its been 5 years of support from Adhil and good memories of living together so I think I can feel a little like this?I have to put my big girl panties on and do this and stand firmly on both my feet and as difficult as it is going to be financially for me I got to achieve this step and make lots of sacrifices and hopefully soon one day beable to pay back all my bail to my family who have and are helping me out. I am going to end this post here for now as I am really sleepy.
"Family life is full of major and minor crises -- the ups and downs of health, success and failure in career, marriage, and divorce -- and all kinds of characters. It is tied to places and events and histories. With all of these felt details, life etches itself into memory and personality. It's difficult to imagine anything more nourishing to the soul."

Embracing that thing called "CHANGE"

What an awesome year it has been thus far and I am looking ahead into 2009 oh so positively. Change....well....I had to trade in my Spark and took a red corsa lite. Love the colour and it makes me think of my mum(She loves red cars) and the colour will make me think of her more so. Its cute and a fun car however of course totally different to the spark-so far I am feeling a much better drive on it but of course I am still feeling weird with the change and it will take a little while to adjust after bonding with my spark for over 4 years.....
The other change is that I am taking the plunge of standing on my own 2 feet after 5 years of living with Boeta Adhil and will be moving out and living with a girl from my bookclub and her beautiful Labrador Toby. All feels weird here again but in no time I am sure I will shake this feeling off.
The other change is I have made a drastic change to my hair do and I have lost 4kg thus far.....exciting.
A new Sue is hitting 2009............I am going to keep my chin up and embrace all the positive changes....more on this later-off to work I go-and no changes there yet but watch this space.

Time out.....

Well the year has started off on a good foot on a personal note however I have this uneasy feeling with this first part. I of course really want to pursue my goals and have made the relevant enquiries to start the step but with the economic situation all seems to be on a freeze for now. I had given myself until the middle of Feb to sit in hope before making any other plans or re-thinking my journey for 2009 however I feel it is clear that a mission is abroad is on hold for now.
Cpt is awesome and I am loving the activities and hub bub however I always miss family. I longed so much over the past few weeks to spend time with mum and some time with my big boet and his family and to get away from it all. Here I am now earlier in Durbs than expected to come and assist mum with her admin and give my assitance as I am feeling so helpless on the financial end. I live from check to check and have a great plan with my budget and start to make my brothers pockets a little lighter as they have carried me a great way through the years.
On the work front my team have somehow dissapointed me time and time again and I think after 5 years of giving my passion to the hotel and new people I need to re-think my mind set or make a change. I love the MNH and have grown in leaps and bounds however I have very high standards and my patience is wearing thin. I have started feeling like I am becoming another person at times at work and I think this is one of the many factors nudging me to make a move.
On my fitness level I am so in the front lane on this. This morning I jumped on the scale at Gateway gym and YAHOO I have lost 3kg! BRING IT ON! It was so good to be in the setting of a different atmosphere and different people in the gym here in Durbs. It was interesting to observe the different occurences at that time of the morning compared to my gym in Gardens. The pool here was empty vs a packed pool at 5h15 back home. There were suprisingly a good lot of peeps there. Nice to see! It was an awesome start to my Monday morning and my mental state. Being here with Aroon and family is so comforting and special-I dont think they know just how much I long to see them-one misses out on the moments of the kids growing up and the goings on in our siblings life.
SO looking forward to having Dills back this week. He arrives in Durbs soon and then we swim the Midmar mile-we going to miss Zsa who is going to kick our backsides next yr I guess as she is swimming like a mean machine these days.
Wow what a good space I am in this morning also having chatted to Xavier and mum on the phone. FAMILY-just love them.....
Sitting and chatting to Aroon last night about books and movies-priceless I tell you and he has without a doubt inspired me to write a blog on my reveiws of books and movies I have read.

Good bye 2008....2009 awaits

Well when I look back to the year behind me a few things come to mind:
-the new year I spent with mum from 2007 into 2008. A memory that will stay forever sitting in our pjs watching the fireworks from the balcony in Highcape and watching the music on tv. We had such a special time more so that mum had just been diagnosed.
-Going to the Westcliff hotel to problem solve and implement procedures-a planned 3 month stint turned into 4 months and for me was a great achievement personally as this pushed my abilities and I gymed like you will not believe-was fantastic having a gym at my residence :). I met some interesting people at the hotel, got to spend time with friends I do not get to spend time with as well as of course got to work on my relationship with my sis and her family. I spent my bday there at "Soi" with friends and family.
-My long awaited overseas trip and it was to Bali. Had the time of my life and I got to spend it with Adhil as well. This was God sent I tell you.
-I went back to JHB for Zaras' 1st birthday and spent some good time with mum while there.
-We all gathered for mums birthday in Cape town in Cape Town and had a memorable afternoon at Olivello.
-Durban was a gathering point for Aroons 40th bash-what a time we had re-kindling relationships with lost friendships with relatives.
-Getting to hash some time off to spend with everyone during the Xmas period which is rare for me-a very stressful period at work with a newish team that really sapped me but of course I conquered.

All in all a positive year with many achievements personally and of course this was just an indication of more to come.

2009 I wish to spend more time with my family that I miss very much and I wish to achieve more.

Loving the Sunday morning beat

Wow just having a moment listening to some cool beats on the radio and a bird chirping out there in the stillness of Sunday morning. I cant believe the year is drawing to an end and I have been feeling for change. Have been investigating this avenue however I know I will be guided in the right direction with mum in mind.
It has been a goos 2ns stretch to the year as well. Aroons birthday was a great hit recently. Lots of fun and good memories. What a time we had. Aroon holds a very very special place in all of our hearts. "My brother.....my hero"(You might think and what about my other brother?) Well of course he is my superhero ;)